Today I would like to talk about a missed opportunity when giving and receiving feedback – mainly the discussion that happens afterwards. A classical way to give feedback is using the observed-perceived method:
- Describe the observed behavior from your point of view. Do it as soon as possible about the specific behavior that occurs.
- Describe the perceived impact of the observed behavior.
Unfortunately, what commonly follows is that the receiver of the feedback explains why the observed behavior was so – followed by ending the feedback session. “Thanks for your feedback, Jens! I did that because X, Y, & Z.”, then walking away thinking
Ah, well, that was just a misunderstanding. I have now explained myself and we have now resolved the issue.
I call this feedback myopia. “Myopia” is a term often used in optometry to describe nearsightedness, which is a condition where one struggles to see objects that are far away. However, in a metaphorical or symbolic context, like in the suggestion “Feedback Myopia”, it refers to a lack of foresight or discernment, a failure to think about long-term consequences or consider the bigger picture. In this case, it suggests that someone is short-sighted in their response to feedback, focusing only on the immediate (or nearest) implications rather than considering the broader, longer-term, or overarching outcomes.
Largely, there are five problems with feedback myopia:
- The receiver of feedback
- only addresses the symptom of the issue, but does nothing to make sure that the misunderstanding doesn’t happen again.
- is not really considering doing things in a different way. They have just assumed that it’s a misunderstanding.
- does not ask clarifying questions from the giver, risking to not fully understand why the behaviour is perceived the way it is. Sometimes when you get feedback, the underlying perceived impact is based on something explicit. The person might be scared, worried, or reminded of a similar situation from the past.
- misses an opportunity to engage the person giving the feedback in coming up with a solution. After all, it’s a giver who knows the best how to avoid this perceived impact.
- the giver walks away thinking that they took the opportunity to give feedback, but ended up feeling just being managed. I have particularly had this feeling when I have given feedback to certain managers or C-levels at previous jobs.
At worst, feedback myopia can look like a weak form of gaslightning where the receiver explains that what the person perceived is not what the person perceived.
The solution to this? Follow up the observed-perceived steps with a third step – an open conversation focusing on avoiding the perceived impact:
As a receiver of feedback, the questions you should ask yourself are:
- How can I avoid having this person give me similar feedback again? If I have a solution to that, what does the giver think of that solution? Would they think it would work?
- Is there a way I can avoid the perceived impact without having to explain my behavior to this person? If so, what does the giver think of that solution? Would they think it would work?
Undoubtedly, asking yourself these questions requires some amount of self-distance and opening up for a different story.
As a giver of feedback, you can help the conversation by not taking an explanation for an answer. Instead, you can lead the receiver into a self-reflection and forward-looking answer:
That makes sense. How can we make sure that we avoid this misunderstanding in the future? Is there anything else we could do to avoid this perceived impact in the future?
People tend to talk about “feedback as a gift”. The problem with a gift is that there is no discussion after receiving it. I think that analogy sometimes does us a disservice. For me, feedback is the start of a curious, forward-looking, conversation.
So next time you are engaged in feedback, don’t forget the conversation! That’s where the gold lies.